Life unexpected.

A bit over a year ago I got divorced, I thought it was the end of the world. After observing my parents happy 30+ year marriage I felt like a total failure. Getting through that was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I read a lot of books during that time, including Eat Pray Love which I think helped a bit in realizing divorce isn’t the  end of the world. At this point in my life, now that I’ve been married, even if it was for a short period of time, I’m not really sure how I feel about marrying again. I think that if I meet the right person it won’t be a question but right now it’s just not a big priority. I wouldn’t mind settling down and having kids with someone, not being married to them, but happy with each other. Before I wasn’t happy being with someone and not being married to them after awhile of dating. I would always be yearning for the ring, when in reality a ring is nothing more than a symbol. A piece of jewelry can mean a lot of different things, at this point I’m not sweating it.

I’m glad I didn’t force my ex husband to stay in a loveless marriage. Or relationship, after we started dating 6 months after the divorce was finalized. I guess we will call that the “last ditch effort” to see if it would work out again. It didn’t, we are different people from when we first met 5 years ago and can’t work out the differences. I held on so tightly that I was literally overlooking all that we were. I hold no ill will towards him for ending the relationship, as it was not going forward as we had both hoped. That chapter is closed, I will miss things about that time. But I will always cherish and remember the good times, not discrediting them for the bad.

I used to be anti-change but in being that way I never grew up, never moved forward. I am finally doing that and not looking back. Kind of like when I stopped drinking alcohol (1 year, 1 month ago) or started being a vegetarian (almost 4 months ago). I haven’t cheated on either of those changes and don’t plan on it. Reading The Kind Diet this weekend has made me realize just how badly animals are treated for our hunger of flesh. I don’t plan on going back to eating meat anytime soon.

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