We’ve come a long way, baby.

Today marks 1 year and 1 month of being sober. I feel more alive and less sluggish. Thinking back, I was a very heavy drinker back in 2004-2005. I used to go to the liquor store so often that they stopped carding me. I remember leaving with two large paper bags nearly every weekend. As time passed and I started dating a non drinker I slowed down a lot but not completely.

Slowing down was extremely hard back then as I was getting drunk every time I went out. I now realize that it was a self-destructive confidence booster, but at the time I was having fun with it. I don’t think I will ever forgive myself for all the times I drove drunk and put everyone on the streets in danger. Thank god I never got into any accidents or stopped by the police.

This time it was much easier to quit, although I was drinking socially when my best friend and I would go out to lounges. Friday, July 3rd we went out to dinner and I had a blue long island (my signature drink), later went to the Delano hotel and had another drink. As my friend was chatting with this guy she met, we will call him Terrorist Doctor, they were buying us drinks left and right. So many that I lost track of how many drinks I had that night, I remember spilling quite a few of them also. She disappeared, I was forced to make conversation with Terrorist Doctor’s friends who kept the drinks coming steadily. Later I was ready to leave, as I was drunk and not wanting to deal with the Terrorist Doctor’s condescending attitude any longer, instead we took a cab with the group to some nearby diner. Finally escaping from them at the diner, we headed home. Looking back, we could’ve been attacked by them and raped that night.

The next morning I woke up with the worst hangover, I puked a couple times and generally felt like shit the rest of the day. That was the moment when I vowed to not drink anymore. At the time though I didn’t have any specific timeframe,  I started out thinking I would try the sobriety thing for a couple months. I continued to go out to places where everyone was drinking but me, I was a little hard at first but I got used to it. It seems when you aren’t drinking that’s when everyone wants to buy u drinks and shots. It’s hard to turn down a drink but after awhile it gets easier.

At this point, none of my friends are surprised when I order water instead of a drink at a bar. Even recently my best friend and I went to a lounge to see a band play and some guys approached us looking to buy us some drinks, we both got water instead. I’m happy that I have inspired others to quit drinking alcohol (at least most of the time) to purify the body. I’m not saying that drinking is always bad or anything but for me right now, I want to refrain from drinking. With that said: Drink responsibly or not at all 🙂

before:                                                                                                after:

signature drink

alcohol free

Life unexpected.

A bit over a year ago I got divorced, I thought it was the end of the world. After observing my parents happy 30+ year marriage I felt like a total failure. Getting through that was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I read a lot of books during that time, including Eat Pray Love which I think helped a bit in realizing divorce isn’t the  end of the world. At this point in my life, now that I’ve been married, even if it was for a short period of time, I’m not really sure how I feel about marrying again. I think that if I meet the right person it won’t be a question but right now it’s just not a big priority. I wouldn’t mind settling down and having kids with someone, not being married to them, but happy with each other. Before I wasn’t happy being with someone and not being married to them after awhile of dating. I would always be yearning for the ring, when in reality a ring is nothing more than a symbol. A piece of jewelry can mean a lot of different things, at this point I’m not sweating it.

I’m glad I didn’t force my ex husband to stay in a loveless marriage. Or relationship, after we started dating 6 months after the divorce was finalized. I guess we will call that the “last ditch effort” to see if it would work out again. It didn’t, we are different people from when we first met 5 years ago and can’t work out the differences. I held on so tightly that I was literally overlooking all that we were. I hold no ill will towards him for ending the relationship, as it was not going forward as we had both hoped. That chapter is closed, I will miss things about that time. But I will always cherish and remember the good times, not discrediting them for the bad.

I used to be anti-change but in being that way I never grew up, never moved forward. I am finally doing that and not looking back. Kind of like when I stopped drinking alcohol (1 year, 1 month ago) or started being a vegetarian (almost 4 months ago). I haven’t cheated on either of those changes and don’t plan on it. Reading The Kind Diet this weekend has made me realize just how badly animals are treated for our hunger of flesh. I don’t plan on going back to eating meat anytime soon.