Roadhouse Blues

Recently I’ve had some bad nights out with friends that are unable to handle themselves while drinking. Everyone knows one or two people like this, the friend that gets drunk and starts talking nonsense about you to strangers or the one that keeps offering your drinks even when you say no. It gets annoying real quick. I hadn’t realized I had 2 of these friends, but now I will think twice before hanging out with them in an alcohol environment. At first I thought maybe it was an age thing, maybe the early 20s crowd haven’t figured out where their limit is, but that’s not the case.

I’m not saying that I’m better than anyone and don’t get annoying sometimes when I’ve had a few drinks but I know my limits and when to stop. Also I’m smart about drinking and driving, I don’t do it, I won’t drive unless I know for a fact that I’m sober. I don’t really feel like killing myself or others that way and I don’t want go to jail for a DUI. 

So if you are going to get totally trashed and obnoxious, do me a favor and stay home and annoy yourself.

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It Don’t Come Easy.

I’ve recently come to the realization that I have become a bit resistant the idea of getting close to anyone. After the break up in 2010 I have kept most people at arm’s length not letting myself get too close. I’m a very trusting person but keep my heart really closed off to anything really more than friendship or fling. I’ve met plenty of guys in clubs and bars, only to share a few dances and then I tend to float away. I just have no interest in starting a relationship with someone that I meet at a club, not that there’s anything wrong with that. It’s just not a place where I hang out anymore, so when that question comes up “so do you come here often?” I always answer with a “nope, hardly”. Unfortunately there’s not a plethora of men that like to hang out at Target & Publix on the weekends, or I would be all set.

Let me be honest and say outright that I am not on the hunt for a man, I know some people that currently go out in the hopes of meeting their Prince Charming but I am not one of them. I like to meet people in laid back organic ways, not in a hunting prey way. Plus in every long term relationship I’ve been in, we have started out as friends, everything is easier and less pressure that way. It will just happen with the right person at the right time and usually when you least expect it.

I’ve suffered some heartbreak in the past but I’m going to keep my heart open and stop worrying about the ‘what ifs’. Going to take some chances and see what will happen because you just never know.It’s really not fair to let a few broken hearts keep me from meeting the right person because of the past. I’m starting 2012 in the right direction and without fear.

Some knowledge I’ve picked up:

Losing the fear and admitting you have feelings for someone has got to be one of the most scary things but yet one of the most exciting things. Even if they reject the idea it still shows that you had enough guts to make the move in the first place because life is too short. So stop pining over a person that doesn’t like you romantically or won’t admit to it, move on and be proud that you were true to yourself and feelings at the moment.

Also confidence goes a long way, but relying on others to make you feel good about yourself is a bad idea. What happens when it all stops for some reason? Not a good situation.

Don’t automatically write off someone because they aren’t your “type”. It’s possible they have more in common with you than you see at first glance.

I don’t know how this post went from about me personally to seeming like a dating guidebook but I hope you get some insight or at least some knowledge from this post.

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Jet Airliner – 2011

The year of 2011 started out in New York City, in a little bar called Lucky Strike with a best friend, a new friend, and a newly reunited friend. It was only my 2nd time ever in NYC, last time I was only 11 years old so it was a whole new experience basically. Also visited New Jersey on that trip. I left New York bitten by the travel bug as well as the flu but I couldnt stop thinking about going back.

In February I went back to New York City for President’s Day weekend, this time hanging out with the new friend and newly reunited friend. I believe it was this trip that everyone got closer than during the New Years trip, and a lot drunker. Also I got to see a bit of snow falling while walking back to the apartment in Harlem. It was also the first time I had ever rode on an airplane alone in my life, so for me it was memorable as well as a bit frightening. It was a great trip and full of lots of hilarious moments at Wicked Willies bar.

Went to Universal Studio’s Islands of Adventure in March, I had never been and went with my sister, her boyfriend and his friend. We left Miami at around 7pm and arrived in Orlando around 10pm, not bad timing. Next morning we took the free bus to the park and spent all day walking around, riding all the rides we could. Lines were long but moved quickly, it wasn’t as bad as I was expecting. Also it was a bit breezy so it wasn’t as hot as it usually is. The next morning my sister, her boyfriend and his friend went to a drift event (car thing) and dropped me off at a mall because I’m not really into car stuff. I basically walked around and did a lot of window shopping.

Along came April when I decided to visit the newly reunited friend, whom had become a pretty good friend at that point, and my cousins who live in Washington D.C. I hadn’t been there since I was 18, and that trip was spent doing touristy things like visiting Arlington Cemetary and Mount Vernon. This time around it was spent bar hopping, checking out the Smithsonian Museums, hanging out with my cousins for a bit. I got to check out a concert while I was there at the 9:30 club – Toad the Wet Sprocket, hadn’t heard them in forever. Then went to Virginia and got to do some rock climbing/hiking, although I wouldn’t recommend wearing jeans and converse next time. Finally got to see the Lincoln Memorial, which was something I had wanted to do for a very long time.

End of May traveled back to NYC this time with another best friend and sister of the new friend. At that point, my new friend had become one of my closest long distance friends. We would often chat in his kitchen as he cooked breakfast and everyone else was asleep, those were some of the best conversations. Whispered and secretive. That trip was spent dancing in some gay clubs for new friend and sister, reunited friend and I didn’t mind. Lots of interesting things happened – like me having the back of my dressed ripped while sitting on some storage box waiting for the subway, meeting Billy at Mckenna’s (a one armed bank robber), and a tranny named Alyssa. A ton of pictures were taken and sobriety was non existant.

I had been wanting to visit DC and NYC when it was warmer, since all times I had visited it had been chilly, so I booked some more trips to both cities. Originally I planned to travel at the beginning of the month and then later go to NYC at the end of the month, but things didnt work out that way and I ended up traveling the last 2 weeks of August. First, I went to DC, visited different places as well as my new favorite bar ever, Lincoln. I checked out the Smithsonian zoo also with one of my cousins, got some panda souvenirs. Went to see some bands play at the Black Cat club, made some new friends. Went rock climbing/hiking again, this time on a more dangerous path. Flew home on Monday, then Tuesday there was an earthquake in DC and even felt in NYC. Two days later I was back in the air, heading to NYC to visit new friend. Hurricane Irene followed me, preventing reunited friend from taking the bus up from DC to NYC as was planned. Went out the first night I got in with new friend and his best friend also visiting from Miami, was the only girl at the gay club but it was fun, went to Times Square for the first time in the middle of the night. Next night we prepared for the hurricane by getting a ton of whiskey and snacks. Spent the hurricane watching a bootleg copy of the Hangover 2 with the boys. Unfortunately the subway was shut down for 3 of the 5 days I was in town, so transportation sucked. Managed to leave on the right flight home but super late due to bad weather in Miami, ironically.

Fall arrived and reunited friend wanted to make it up to new friend that he couldnt make it to NYC in August because of Hurricane Irene. We got tickets to see Little Dragon at Terminal 5 and all met up in NYC in October. I took the bus from the airport and the subway all the way to Harlem alone. This was a short trip, truly a weekend trip, only 4 days in NYC. Got to check out the speakeasy bar, Milk & Honey and loved it. Checked out the english conservatory section of Central Park, everytime I’ve visited we have explored a new piece of the park.

November, soon after the freak October snowstorm I visited New Hampshire, flying into Boston. I had never been to Massachussetts, New Hampshire or Vermont but got to see each of the states equally. I stayed with my closet internet friend, whom I had never met before, she was exactly how I imagined. We went to the Ben & Jerry’s factory in Vermont, one of my dreams come true, it was awesome and something I wont soon forget. Went to some malls to shop & stayed in Boston for the last night. Took in an empty drag show because my friend was dying to see some drag queens, pretty hilarious.

The best friend whom I was in NYC with at the beginning of the year invited me to go with her on her company holiday trip to Dominican Republic in December, I had went with her to the previous holiday trips so she said it was tradition. Basically I had met most of her coworkers at various parties so they werent total strangers and it was fun having drinks with them. They even joked at one point that I should be the company mascot, a sexy wrench. There are some beautiful beaches and surf worthy waves in that country, hung out a little while at a surf camp on a quiet beach. Only hard part about that trip for me was no internet/phone since I don’t have an International phone plan. After Christmas I flew back to DC. First night I arrived, caught a great show at DC9, Monahan & Samuel J Kim played. Next day I explored the city, checked out some museums, did some shopping and found a New Years dress, went back to Lincoln bar and stayed out late. Next morning, headed out on a bus to NYC to spend the New Years, it took forever since everyone was heading into the city. Met up with my internet friend right after we got off the bus. Had lots of drinks and then headed back to Brooklyn to sleep them off. Got lost a little bit lost, but that was because neither me or reunited friend had ever been to Brooklyn before. Visited Highline Park, lots of bars, and went back to Lucky Strike to ring in the New Year then went to 5 Ninth to party it up. Reunited friend had befriended the bartender so he made sure to get us nice and trashed. We dont remember how we got back to Brooklyn but slept the next day till 4pm. Had some drinks at Lucy’s before standing in the longest bus line ever, somehow managing to get on the bus in time. The ride back went a lot faster, maybe because I slept most of the time while listening to every Radiohead song on my iphone.

That was my year in travel, I hope to explore new places and have more adventures this year. So far I have no trips planned but it’s still early.

 

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Susan G. Komen – Race for the Cure

I’m proud to be a part of this great cause for the 2nd year in a row. I’ve know quite a few survivors of breast cancer and have unfortunately known a couple of losses. If you have the chance to participate in one of these races, I urge you to do so. It’s a chance to get some exercise, learn about breast cancer research, and join with others who feel strongly about this cause. I think we can all manage to walk at least 3 miles/5k to help out in the search for a cure.

Everyone wants to save the tatas, so what can you do? You can do regular self breast exams. As well as clinical breast exams every 3 years starting at age 20, and mammograms every year after the age of 40. Most gynos will do a breast exam during the annual pap smear visit. It’s very important to detect it early, as survival rate is higher. Another great way to help with early detection and finding the cure, is to donate to the Susan G. Komen foundation as well as shop for products donating to the foundation. There are many cosmetic lines now that donate a portion of their proceeds to the Susan G. Komen for the Cure foundation.

Every year I try to get a group together to do this walk, this year everyone is lazy and chooses to not participate. But I will be there and walking for breast cancer research. It will be my 2nd charitable walk this year. The first was for The Epilepsy Foundation of Florida, another great foundation for helping those who suffer from epilepsy. So put on those walking shoes and get out there!

Link to my personal fundraising page:
Susan G. Komen Race for The Cure

Info on Breast Self Exams:
Self Exam

To Learn more about The Epilepsy Foundation of Florida:
Epilepsy Foundation of Florida

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Liar, liar pants on fire

This is not a man hating post, because I can’t live with them or without them. But lately ive noticed a lot of liars coming out of the woodwork.

One was a friend (or so I thought at the time) who lied to me as well as the girl he was dating. Apparently it was compulsive and he couldn’t control it but he didn’t even seem to try. It’s pretty sad but I think his past had a lot to do with how he deals with things now. But rather than take good advice and see a therapist he discredited it and got mad. I don’t understand why people have become so anti-therapy. I suppose I was that way at a time but then I got over myself. Therapy isn’t just for crazy people, it’s just basically like a good friend giving advice and listening. In some cases people never change.

Just recently I know of a girl who met someone through a dating site who told no truth at all. Nothing at all, not about his marriage, his job, his children or even his freaking phone! I don’t personally agree with dating sites, although some might argue that facebook is similar to a dating site. I think that at least you can meet people whom your friends know at least. Not that I’ve gone that route yet, but I just think that the internet provides too many chances for people to tell lies. You can pretend to be anyone online, anyone at all, a wealthy person, a professional at anything basically. I believe in telling the truth, even if it’s to complete strangers.

People just aren’t always who we think they are, so a warning to all to be careful on here. You could meet the man of your dreams or a nightmare psycho.

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Favorite Organic Makeup

So I started this blog to review organic products so heres a review of my favorite organic makeup products.

I first stumbled upon  Physicians Formula Organic Wear  products while looking at Burt’s Bees products. I had been trying to convert to organic food and wondered if there was any organic makeup around. Seeing how Burt’s Bees didn’t have any eyeliners or powders I was disappointed since I had tons of their other products. Until I looked over and noticed Physicians Formula Organic Wear. I hurriedly snapped up a Black Night Organic (black) eye liner pencil. Also threw some Organic Loose Powder in my cart as well. Since then I have gotten more of their Organic Wear and have been very happy with it so far. Sometimes I have to reapply the eyeliner but it’s worth it, knowing that I’m not putting dangerous chemicals near my eyes anymore.

It’s mineral makeup for the most part but without all the harsh parabens and chemicals normally placed in cosmetics. Also it’s packaged very eco friendly, using 93% less plastic than typical packaging. Mineral makeup just stays on the top of your skin, therefore not absorbing in and causing pores to clog. So it’s ideal for everyone not wanting to clog their pores or absorb harmful chemicals.

I’ve including some links for the product lines mentioned:
Physicians Formula Organic Wear
Burt’s Bees
Both can be found at Target

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We’ve come a long way, baby.

Today marks 1 year and 1 month of being sober. I feel more alive and less sluggish. Thinking back, I was a very heavy drinker back in 2004-2005. I used to go to the liquor store so often that they stopped carding me. I remember leaving with two large paper bags nearly every weekend. As time passed and I started dating a non drinker I slowed down a lot but not completely.

Slowing down was extremely hard back then as I was getting drunk every time I went out. I now realize that it was a self-destructive confidence booster, but at the time I was having fun with it. I don’t think I will ever forgive myself for all the times I drove drunk and put everyone on the streets in danger. Thank god I never got into any accidents or stopped by the police.

This time it was much easier to quit, although I was drinking socially when my best friend and I would go out to lounges. Friday, July 3rd we went out to dinner and I had a blue long island (my signature drink), later went to the Delano hotel and had another drink. As my friend was chatting with this guy she met, we will call him Terrorist Doctor, they were buying us drinks left and right. So many that I lost track of how many drinks I had that night, I remember spilling quite a few of them also. She disappeared, I was forced to make conversation with Terrorist Doctor’s friends who kept the drinks coming steadily. Later I was ready to leave, as I was drunk and not wanting to deal with the Terrorist Doctor’s condescending attitude any longer, instead we took a cab with the group to some nearby diner. Finally escaping from them at the diner, we headed home. Looking back, we could’ve been attacked by them and raped that night.

The next morning I woke up with the worst hangover, I puked a couple times and generally felt like shit the rest of the day. That was the moment when I vowed to not drink anymore. At the time though I didn’t have any specific timeframe,  I started out thinking I would try the sobriety thing for a couple months. I continued to go out to places where everyone was drinking but me, I was a little hard at first but I got used to it. It seems when you aren’t drinking that’s when everyone wants to buy u drinks and shots. It’s hard to turn down a drink but after awhile it gets easier.

At this point, none of my friends are surprised when I order water instead of a drink at a bar. Even recently my best friend and I went to a lounge to see a band play and some guys approached us looking to buy us some drinks, we both got water instead. I’m happy that I have inspired others to quit drinking alcohol (at least most of the time) to purify the body. I’m not saying that drinking is always bad or anything but for me right now, I want to refrain from drinking. With that said: Drink responsibly or not at all 🙂

before:                                                                                                after:

signature drink

alcohol free

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Life unexpected.

A bit over a year ago I got divorced, I thought it was the end of the world. After observing my parents happy 30+ year marriage I felt like a total failure. Getting through that was probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. I read a lot of books during that time, including Eat Pray Love which I think helped a bit in realizing divorce isn’t the  end of the world. At this point in my life, now that I’ve been married, even if it was for a short period of time, I’m not really sure how I feel about marrying again. I think that if I meet the right person it won’t be a question but right now it’s just not a big priority. I wouldn’t mind settling down and having kids with someone, not being married to them, but happy with each other. Before I wasn’t happy being with someone and not being married to them after awhile of dating. I would always be yearning for the ring, when in reality a ring is nothing more than a symbol. A piece of jewelry can mean a lot of different things, at this point I’m not sweating it.

I’m glad I didn’t force my ex husband to stay in a loveless marriage. Or relationship, after we started dating 6 months after the divorce was finalized. I guess we will call that the “last ditch effort” to see if it would work out again. It didn’t, we are different people from when we first met 5 years ago and can’t work out the differences. I held on so tightly that I was literally overlooking all that we were. I hold no ill will towards him for ending the relationship, as it was not going forward as we had both hoped. That chapter is closed, I will miss things about that time. But I will always cherish and remember the good times, not discrediting them for the bad.

I used to be anti-change but in being that way I never grew up, never moved forward. I am finally doing that and not looking back. Kind of like when I stopped drinking alcohol (1 year, 1 month ago) or started being a vegetarian (almost 4 months ago). I haven’t cheated on either of those changes and don’t plan on it. Reading The Kind Diet this weekend has made me realize just how badly animals are treated for our hunger of flesh. I don’t plan on going back to eating meat anytime soon.

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Organic, what does that mean?

A lot of people think that it is just another way to market products that cost more and seem healthier. That’s actually not the case, most organic products and foods are truly organic, some are partially organic. The usda certified organic sticker is now placed on all organically grown produce and foods. Incase you haven’t seen it yet:

Lately more supermarkets have been stocking their shelves and making special sections for organic products, Publix has a great selection called Greenwise. Whole foods is also a great store for organic/natural products. Organic doesn’t always mean more expensive either and the more organic products hit the shelves the lower the prices will be. Personally I don’t see too much difference in cost. Basically organic means grown without the use of pesticides, insecticides and herbicides. Or in the milk market, meaning the cows arent shot up with growth hormones to produce more milk. So overall going organic is healthier for the earth, animals and humans.

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